Dear Dad,
I'm completely overwhelmed and have so much to say, I don't know where to begin. A month ago, you left this earthly life, and my life will never be the same. It still doesn't seem real, and I keep thinking there has got to be a loophole somewhere. If I can just find it, I can figure out how to get you back. Words are so inadequate to describe you and the impact you had on my life. This is all so wrong. There has to be some mistake! Except that deep down I know that it's not. That helps sometimes, but only sometimes, and only a little. Heavenly Father had this amazing plan to make sure you got to be my dad for eternity. To make sure that we stayed the eternal family that we were meant to be. I have to keep that knowledge with me to sustain me in this life. And I have to figure out now how to live my life without you in it. Every day something sneaks in that reminds me of you. I love that I remember every little detail about you, but then it hurts at the same time because you're not here. And memories fade. And we don't get to make any more together--that's the worst part. This lady at your viewing said the worst thing to me. I was horrified and didn't believe her. She said to make sure to write everything down, because I'll forget things. She said her dad died when she was about my age, and she doesn't really remember much about him. But he wasn't you. And there is no way I could forget you. You are different than anyone out there. I always wondered how I got so lucky to have you as my dad. I was so proud of you. I'm not anywhere near finished telling you what I want to today, but the hours just keep flying by, and it's after midnight now. I have to work in the morning, and I still need to go read my scriptures. That's one thing that's different since you've been gone. I feel so incredibly close to the Spirit all the time, that I strive to be better and more centered in the gospel every day. I've never felt far from it, but now it's all that matters. My prayers are so sincere and honest. And long. And tearful. I pray about everything. I'm learning about the atonement and how it applies to ME. It's so amazing! There are things I never knew. I guess that's why we have these awful trials...to help us grow in ways we wouldn't have otherwise. I wish there was another way. I miss you so much it hurts.
Love,
Hab
